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Monday, February 13, 2012

Thoughts on Valentine's Day & Missing Germambie

I have a confession. Valentine's day has never been one of my favorite days of the year. In fact--I mostly think it sucks. In the loud, blurpy way a dismal bog sucks as you walk through it and it eats one of your best shoes. Glub.

This is not a new dislike. Back in the days when I was married or seriously involved with someone, I tended to be with guys who didn't "do" romance well. Perfectly lovely in other ways, most of them didn't excel at cards and flowers. That's okay. Frankly, I'm not much of a romantic myself. I'd rather be treated well all year long than be showered with obligatory gifts on one particular day. But still...

These days, it is REALLY not my day. I haven't been in a relationship in over ten years, and at 51, living in a small town, pursuing mostly solitary activities, and (let's face it) belonging to what might seem to some an over-abundance of cats, the odds of my ever finding THE ONE seem to grow slimmer every day.

I'm okay with that, for the most part. Not happy about it--I'm a woman who likes to be part of a couple, and I miss a lot of things about having a guy in my life. I really miss sex, damn it. And it would be nice not to always be the one to take out the garbage. But I've made my peace with my solitary life, and am ever mindful (as I watch some of the people I love struggle with unhappy relationships) of the positives of being alone.

I get to eat what I want, when I want it. Never have to share the remote. Get to have a pile of felines on my bed without someone complaining about the fur. Peace and quiet. No arguments about who was supposed to have taken out the garbage. It's a good life. Not the one I'd hoped for, but a good life, none the less, and I refuse to let the lack of someone to share it with make it any less good.

But I really hate the way Valentine's Day kinda shoves that solitary-ness in my face. (Bite me, Hallmark. No, really. Bite me.)

This year, I have an even better reason not to like this day. A year ago tomorrow, on Valentine's Day 2011, I lost my beloved grandmother. The family called her Germambie, from my youthful inability to say "grandma" and then G.G., when she became a great-grandmother. She was the true love of my life: inspiration, supporter, cheerleader, baker of cookies and giver of hugs. I miss her more than I can say, although I know that, at almost 100 years old, we got a lot more time with her than we might have hoped. It wasn't enough.

Tomorrow, I will be thinking about love, in all its variations. And hoping that all of you have someone special to share your day with--furry or otherwise. If not, I highly recommend chocolate. Even if you have to give it to yourself :-)

19 comments:

  1. I personally don't really like valentines day. I even did a blog and a contest against it with cash prizes and a pdf of my poetry.

    http://lilgracielou.blogspot.com/2012/02/valentines-dayjustno.html

    I'm sorry about your grandmother, what a sad time to lose someone (anytime is a sad time but a day the world tries to dedicate to love makes it tougher). I am sending you many blessings and thoughts your way. And virtual hugs.

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  2. Oh ps how did you get that cute lil WIP tracker?

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    1. Thanks. And the WIP tracker was something one of my friends sent me a link to. It was a little challenging for my non-techie brain, but I finally got it to work. I'll see if I can find the link.

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  3. Though I am part of a couple, we do not celebrate Valentine's Day for many of the reasons you stated. If you do not treat me well every day throughout the year, do not think a card on a "special" day will make it okay. I feel the same way about mother's day, my birthday, and Christmas.

    The 15th is my grandmother's birthday and I miss her. She was a tough lady but very influential during my formative years.

    Spend the day celebrating your grandmother's life. And chocolate is a magickal cure all.

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    1. My grandmother LOVED chocolate. I used to give her boxes of Godiva for Chanukah, and she'd cut each piece in half to make it last longer. I, alas, have no such discipline :-)

      But I will definitely be celebrating her life and eating chocolate tomorrow.

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  4. Sean and I make truffles together and then eat too many of them all at once. It's fairly domestic, and very messy as kitchen activities go, but it's ours. We're not hearts and flowers people, and I don't like the way Valentine's Day is marketed either, but it gives us a chance to be kids with chocolate together. Our friends and colleagues get to share in our holiday when we bring chocolate to work afterward, and that's fun, too.

    I recall your grandmother's passing from last year, and I hope this year you'll remember her love, which was surely great, and not her loss. I know my own grandmother would want that from me.

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    1. I love the sound of your tradition. Chocolate, YUM.

      And yes, you bet I will.

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  5. First, my sympathies on the anniversary of your grandmother's passing.

    Next, the sillier stuff, I have long called February 14, Singles Awareness Day. Most of your wrote really resonates with me. I turn 40 this summer, and I can not remember the last time I had a date. Most days, it doesn't matter, but the responsibilities of living alone because REALLY obvious to me on Friday when a bat got into my house. There's no "rock-paper-scissors" to figure out who ushers the bat back into the Great Outdoors There's just me. Shrieking and ducking and laughing at myself. ;)

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    1. Carrie,
      I know exactly what you mean! Whenever there is some silly mouse who didn't get the "FIVE CATS LIVE HERE" memo, and I have to run around in the middle of the night with a shoebox, trying to get the dumbass critter away from whichever cat has claimed it, I think, "This would be a good time to have a man." Then I catch the damned mouse.

      But bats..yeesh. I have lots of them in my barn. Let's hope they stay there!

      "singles awareness day." Humor, har.

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  6. Hugs and a raised glass to Germambie! I have a lot of men to share my Valentine's Day. Let's see which ones remember to give me a card...yup, I'm sure it'll be pretty much like any other day around here.

    I think we need to start directing FGBV's to find you a worthy man (use him for whatever you like!)

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    1. Happy Valentine's Day to you anyway - I can't give you sex, but I love your books, that's almost as good, right?
      RE: "Bite me, Hallmark. No, really: Bite me" - I see a short story in that.... Vampire card! Gives "paper cut" a whole new meaning, eh? ;op
      Check out my Valentine's Day finish-the-story challenge, posted on the blog - I'd love some paranormal romance responses in there!!

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    2. Thanks Megan--I hope SOMEONE remembered to give you a card...and I'll take all the FGBVs for the right guy I can get:-)

      And Melissa, yup, almost as good!

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  7. You know Deb, Germambie is probably telling you to have some of that Godiva Chocolate today!!

    We don't celebrate the "Hallmark" holiday; my DH and I choose to do "just because" days instead.

    Hugs and remembering is good!

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    1. Patchwork--and I am!!!! Godiva coming right up.

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  8. Hi Deb,
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Nana in '75. I still miss her so much. We shared a birthday and also with my great Nana, my Nana's mother-in-law.
    I was married for a short time, it wasn't short enough let me tell you and I never thought I would remarry and yet 17 years later I met my hubby on AOL penpals. We were 42, I was 43 when we married. I robbed the cradle, he's 4 months younger. I was on my own for many years and I enjoyed it. I didn't know how I was going to be with living with someone and a step-son. Ray (DH) came home one day with two precious little darlings. Scully and Mulder, two little tigers, brown and black. They are 15 years old now and still love a lap. Ray stopped trying to get them off the bed. You can't win with a cat. We have Sammy and my poor little Meowie who passed away in Dec. For us, Valintine Day is every day. We are so lucky we found each other. As far as I am concerned Mircles do happen, because believe me I never wanted to marry again.
    Be you, enjoy you, and eat chocolate. have an extra piece for me.

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    1. JoAnn--thanks for sharing your story. Nice to know miracles can happen!

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  9. I was never fond of Valentine’s Day and still feel that way. I have been married to a good man for the last 20 years. Not a great romantic but sometimes he does well. Overall, he is good for the long haul. I understand the loss of your grandmother. Remembering people no longer here and what could have been is not conducive to romance but it part of the day for me. We, my husband, daughter and I, will have a special dinner and chocolate for dessert. Small gestures count, you know. Hope you have some chocolate for yourself today. We, your fans, love ya. – Deborah C.

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    1. Absolutely planning on chocolate. And I like your dinner plans...

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  10. Well I'll send you some belated Valentine kisses. xxxxx

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