I'll talk about this a little more, when I can pull it together better, and have a celebration of her life (with giveaways, of course). But for now, I can say this:
It actually went as well as it possibly could have, under the circumstances. Heartbreaking, of course, but Magic—in her usual inimical fashion—made it clear that she was ready (while I was making breakfast, she walked into the kitchen, yelled at me, and then walked back into the living room to stand in front of the carry case where it was warming up in front of the pellet stove—of course, then she went and hid behind the couch and made me move it to fetch her out).
She even sat next to me on the couch as I ate breakfast, purring and letting me pet her, which she hasn’t wanted much in the last week. The folks at the vet’s were great, she clearly wasn’t afraid or upset, and my friend Ellen stepped away from her dog grooming in the back to be with me, which really helped. It felt like things had come full circle, since Ellen had found Magic, her mom, and brother for me all those years ago. Magic’s passing was gentle and peaceful and I was there with her (which might not have been true if that tumor had burst) and my vet agreed that we were seriously out of time (the tumor was so huge, you could see it pushing out her sides).
I am bereft, but I also feel like I made the right choice for the cat—for the first time ever in all the years I’ve had them, I picked exactly the right time. So in a way, we actually beat the damned tumor at the end. I’d asked for her to make it through the holiday season, which should have been impossible, given the size and volatility of the cystic tumors on her spleen, for her not to have a crisis while the vet was closed those extra days and to allow me to do what I needed to do at the shop. We had the long weekend to say our goodbyes, and she was so clearly ready to go. It was as good as it could possibly have been, for something so terrible, and my grief is tempered by gratitude for a kind universe and a stubborn-to-the-end cat.
But oh my goddess, how I miss her already.
|Last picture, this morning|