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Thursday, April 7, 2016

Don't Try This At Home

So, you might have noticed that things have been a bit quiet over here lately. There's a reason for this. (Those of you who follow me on Facebook probably already know what it is.) Last Saturday, I tried out my new contortionist act, and it didn't go well.

Okay, that's not exactly what happened. It seemed like a simple plan. I ordered a new futon to replace the really beat up hand-me-down twin mattress and box spring in the upstairs guest bedroom (aka "the room where Luna lives"). I cleaned the room, put Luna and her litter box in the other upstairs room, and when the futon arrived, my lovely friend John came over with his truck so he could help me carry down the old mattresses, take them to the dump, and then put together the futon--mostly in preparation for a visit this summer by my daughter Jennifer, but also because Luna had reduced the already crappy mattresses to this:

Gee, I don't know why Jenn didn't want to keep sleeping on these...
So John and I very carefully carried the top of the mattress down the stairs and put it in his truck. Very carefully, because I have steep, narrow, treacherous old farmhouse stairs.

Nice paint job, huh? I did that. That's the landing and the top three stairs.
 Then we went back for the box spring...and things went HORRIBLY WRONG.

I swear, I was being really careful. I've lived in this house for 14 1/2 years and I know how tricky the stairs are. And yet, somehow, while John was at the bottom of the stairs with one end of the box spring, and I was coming down the top with the other end, I missed a step. (Note how tall the steps are. Old farmhouses. They really are trying to kill you.) So my left foot ended up on the landing, while my right foot was still on the second stair up.

There might have been screaming. (John swears there wasn't cursing, but I'm not sure I believe him.) In short, I twisted/torqued/screwed the crap out of my right knee. Ow.

I could tell as soon as I did it that it was Very Bad. Sometimes you just know. We got ice on it right away. I took arnica. Wrapped it with an Ace bandage while we quickly ran to the dump, and stayed off of it the best I could while we put together the futon. [Which wasn't exactly what I was expecting, but after all this, the damned thing is staying. Jenn, you better love it. I'm just sayin'.]

I was pretty sure I hadn't torn anything, although it can be tough to tell. The knee blew up like a balloon (and not one of those fun, party balloons) but didn't turn black and blue, and my former-nurse friend agreed with me that if I went to Urgent Care, they'd basically charge me a lot of money to tell me to R.I.C.E. (rest, ice, compression, elevate) plus take ibuprofen, all of which I was already doing. So this has pretty much been my week:

Couch, ice packs, borrowed quad-cane, a bunch of pillows. Watching the unseasonable snow come down outside the window.
I can't drive--hell, I can barely walk--so I had to find people to fill in for me at work. (Which they very kindly did.) Friends have brought me food, helped to feed Luna upstairs (I can get up the stairs, but it ain't pleasant), put out birdseed, brought me an Ace compression bandage, even today, helped me wash my hair in the sink, since I can't get in and out of the large cast iron tub that holds my shower.

My friend John took me to acupuncture on Tuesday, where my acupuncturist (who happens to be a neurologist most of the time) confirmed that I was doing all the right things, and that unless it still wasn't improving in a couple of weeks, there wasn't much point in going to the doctor. Mostly, he said, it was going to take time. Probably a lot of time. Bah.

There have been a few compensations:

Kitties to keep me company, and good books to read. Thankfully, I have a LOT of books on the TBR shelf.
I thought I'd get a lot of writing done, but to be honest, the first few days I mostly just lay on the couch and read. Apparently your body doesn't like it when you throw it down the stairs. Go figure.

I'm finally starting to get a little bit of writing done, and my editor loved the manuscript I sent her for DANGEROUSLY CHARMING, so the copy edits are done on that--whew. Now I'm working on Gregori's story, which we're calling DANGEROUSLY DIVINE, and spending a lot of quality time with ice packs, not getting much of anything done. Sigh.

Did I mention? Don't try this at home, kids.

I think I should do some kind of giveaway. (Even though it will be a while before I can get to the post office to mail it out.) How about the signed book of the winner's choice to the person who comes up with the most entertaining/amusing/clever suggestion for what to do with myself while I'm laid up? Keep it clean, people. I'm injured here.


16 comments:

  1. Write a how-to manual on the proper way to install farmhouse stairs.

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    1. LOL. Believe it or not, this IS the proper way. Clearly I need a manual on the proper way to walk up and down them.

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  2. Write a comical little book about Life with Humans, from a cat's point of view. Now that would be very interesting!

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    1. Sadly, I think that's already been done. But maybe Magic the Cat could help me come up with something new.

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  3. You are super funny and amusing even in the midst of a tough situation. Love it. So my suggestion is that you might write a litany of ways the mattress could be punished for taking you on a ride you didn't ask for!

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    1. It's already had to put up with a year of being shredded by Luna. I think that is the ultimate punishment.

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  4. Coloring. I recently got Llewellyn's Witches coloring book & some lovely Raffine color pencils. It's a great stress reliever and it gives my brain a chance to relax. I use one of those tray tables like hospitals used to have. My husband got it for me at a yard sale or flea market (can't remember which, I've had it so long.) It works perfectly because I can pull it right up to my computer chair, or use it laying in bed and since I can adjust the height it is the perfect portable way to feed my newly acquired addiction :-) I hope your knee heals quickly, sending love & healing thoughts your way.

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    1. Funny you should say that--I was looking at my Llewellyn coloring book just this morning!

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    2. I've had a few days of being sort of 'tuned in' for lack of a better term. Been making some changes, realizing some (for me) big things, finally learning to accept and appreciate some gifts I've always had and not always understood, and getting a lot of validation that I'm heading the right direction. You just gave me yet more confirmation of that. Thanks :-)

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  5. Use a laser pointer and play with the kitties while you lay on the couch. This is an activity that sure to induce laughter in you and give the kitties some fun exercise.

    Kit

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  6. Coloring books and vegging on a marathon of Netflix or , if you love British TV, Acorn TV. In December 2013, I tripped over a rug in my daughter's basement and landed very hard on my right knee on the concrete floor. Since it seemed like I could walk and it swelled but didn't bruise, I didn't see a doctor for several months. When I finally went, turns out I tore my meniscus.I ended up with surgery to remove the meniscus...beyond repair...in February 2015. Do I really feel your pain. Wishing you a successful convalescence full of kitty cuddles!

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    1. Wait, there's a TV channel that specializes in Brit shows besides BBCAmerica? I'm going to have to look for that, since I love me some British television. I'm hoping that I didn't do something like tear my meniscus. REALLY hoping. How did you finally figure it out?

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  7. Oh man *winces* I feel for you completely. I recently missed a step taking out the garbage and sprained my ankle. Yeah never doing that again if I can help it. I can just imagine how you feel. So feel better and my suggestion is this: laser pointer for the kitties and coloring is a perfect relaxation idea plus hey, glaring at the stairs while muttering about death and destruction is good too. :-) Feel better soon! love2read28@gmail.com

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    1. I read that as "glaring at the stars while muttering about death and destruction" which would work too. Either way, the muttering part definitely sounds about right.

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  8. I have lived in an old farmhouse for 20 years, plus my sibs and I own another old farmhouse that belonged to my great-grandparents and on down the line. Despite modernization and renovation, I can tell you, old farmhouses are out to get you! Not hauntings either, just not adapting to big feet, contemporary furniture, and so far..... glad you survived the encounter. Happy reading and healing.

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  9. I'm wincing in sympathy for your pain and immobility. Here's hoping you're soon on both feet.

    Can you do any jewelry making while you're couch bound? Or maybe teach yourself crochet or knitting if you don't already do those?

    This just reinforces what my husband and I decided when we bought our house 30 years ago - no two story houses. Stairs can be evil. Maybe you could add some evil, contrary stairs in your next book.



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